rambles

Chicago76 - 12 Steps to Pearl Jam Post-Tour Recovery

1. Return home from concert feeling disoriented, buzzed, insane and absolutely high.

2. Fall asleep with uncontrollable images and sounds of Pearl Jam, Eddie's biceps, and crowd noise ringing nonstop in your ears.

3. Wake up feeling disoriented, buzzed and most of all confused that the night actually ended.

4. Go to work thinking about Pearl Jam and Pearl Jam only. When someone at work asks you where you'd like to have lunch, you instantly answer "PEARL JAM!" At which point they stare at you and slowly back away.

5. You go home and watch "American Idol" on TV, but all you can think about is the fact that Eddie actually said the words "American Blow Job Butt Fuck" onstage.

6. You wake up with a sudden sense of confusion and depression. Putting on an old bootleg, you realize that you won't be hearing anything but recorded Pearl Jam for a long time. This is shocking to you.

7. You get to work and realize you are not outside with a beer in the sun with all your Pearl Jam friends tailgating - but rather working set hours in a cold, windowless office. This causes a sudden outburst of denial as you blast "Lukin" from your computer!

8. The blasting of "Lukin" from your computer reminds you of Pearl Jam, which reminds you that the tour is over, which causes an even more sudden outburst of denial as you violently eject the CD and give it to your co-worker saying "get this thing away from me!!"

9. In a tearful rage you search for any music that doesn't remind you of Pearl Jam - as you put on John Tesh's Greatest Hits. As you get back to work with John in your ears - you suddenly break down sobbing on your desk realizing that you are a) not listening to Pearl Jam and b) are listening to John Tesh.

10. After a uncontrollable session of sobbing on your desk, and isolating yourself from all coworkers, you suddenly come to grips with the fact that you are in denial. You look at your reflection on the computer screen and say outloud: "The tour is over." Congratulations: You have admitted there's a problem.

11. After the breakthrough of Step #10, you are comforted by the fact that you are on the road to recovery. Despite your wounds, you decide to put the 'No Code' cd back on. (Avoiding "Lukin". It scares your boss.)

12. After listening to "Around The Bend" 43 times, you realize it's 5:00 and time to go home. As you leave your office, you feel a sense of acceptance and calm. You have finally mastered the 12 step program. In celebration, you get on your cell phone - call ticketmaster and order Hershey, PA tickets!