rambles

RUMOR KILLER - HE COULD NOT BAYLEAF, HE COULD ONLY KILL RUMORS!!

Wow. Yeah, it has been a while since there were ddddddddead RUMORS posted on this there board. But you know, with all that's happened lately, the ol'RK's had other things on his mind, as most of you as well. So it's been hard to talk about goofy stuff like music when so many people are hurting and upset. With that said, life does sort of go on, and well as we're all witnessing, RUMORS are constantly springing up here, there, and everywhere. So let's talk about a few that thanks to the ol' RUMOR GUN have bit it BIG TIME!

RUMOR #1: "RK, question for you my friend. The album art for Stone's solo album 'Bayleaf' has pictures of Stone shaving and plucking hairs from his nose, what's the deal with that? is Stone a neat freak?" - Ted from Scarsdale, NY

RUMOR KILLER: "Ted, interesting question. Well to be honest, Stone is a bit of a primp. It's well documented that Stone always brings at least 3 to 4 ironing boards and clothing steamers on tour with him so we can remove any wrinkles from his outfits. Can you honestly believe Stone would even dare to take the stage in some smashing ORANGE outfit or one of his select group of PLAID PANTS that had a wrinkle in it? I THINK NOT! But moreover, Stone is a bit of a fuss-budget. If you look for the cover art of Brad's second album 'Interiors' you see a pic of Stone getting a hair cut. What those pictures from 'Bayleaf' essentially confirm is that Stone was his fans, the STONEY PONIES to see him in his NATURAL ELEMENT. Stone does get a haircut daily and he does spend about 7-8 hours a day ritually bathing and removing unwanted hair from his body. He wants to share that part of himself with everyone. So why not putting that stuff in his album artwork. DO NOT MOCK WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. Now, the ol'RK needs a shower....

RUMOR #2: "RUMOR KILLER, where have you been? Well I recently got my TEN CLUB newsletter (#18) and had two questions. First, what was Mike writing about in his section, it made no sense at all. And second, what's the deal with the increase in TEN CLUB dues to $15?" - Sandra from San Francisco, CA

RUMOR KILLER: "Sandra, those are two very important questions and the ol'RK does have some answers. First, Mike's little spiel was sort of disjointed but that is ONLY because you read it like most people do from left to right. If you read Mike's thing from right to left and backwards, I'm sure it will make a lot more sense. And if you get to a word you can't pronounce or don't know, just skip it, and at the end add the line, "therefore everything is ok!" Basically, if you do those things, Mike's post will make a lot more sense and you'll know what he's talking about. You'll also have taken your first step in learning a new language. It's called McCreadiese. CONGRATS!

Now to your second question, the new $15 membership due for the TEN CLUB is something that is unfortunate. We'd all like to get stuff for FREE (cough, NAPSTER, cough). But how realistic is that? The important point here is two-fold. First, the increase in dues is a direct result of the TEN CLUB PRESIDENT STONE'S PLAID PANTS new initiative. STONE'S PLAID PANTS' initiative is to buy for the TEN CLUB a DRY CLEANERS. Make sense if you're a pair of pants right? So in order to afford the DRY CLEANERS, the TEN CLUB has to raise rates. The other part of the initiative is the TEN CLUB will now be called the TEN CLUB AND CLEANERS, pretty snappy right? Now, the ol' RK doesn't want to cause trouble, but this what you get when the members voted for STONE'S PLAID PANTS as the TEN CLUB PRESIDENT. Now there were other candidates out there and maybe they were willing to give away PEARL JAM SOCKS (THE LITTLE BLACK ONES OR THE LARGE WHITE ONES!) But you know, the members wanted STONE'S PLAID PANTS to be the PREZ. In any case though, the point is is that the increase is only $5 and think of ALL the stuff the TEN CLUB does do. Members get the fan club single. Members get the ticket stuff from the TEN CLUB. Members get all the PEARL JAM sweatbands they can afford. All of this thanks to the patient and hard work of the TEN CLUB. Now nobody's perfect and some PJ fans can be shall we say "OVER-ZEALOUS" and well the TEN CLUB does a top notch job if you ask the ol'RK and every member certainly gets the bang for their buck. So a $15 new due is not a financial disaster or astronomical demand considering what other fan clubs charge and what other fan clubs do for their members.


WELL, that's all the ol'RK has right now. He's got the 4-1-1 on this new RUMOR though that he's in pursuit of. It's the one about Ed wearing all blue at the TRIBUTE TO HEROES TELETHON because Ed had accidently spilled a bottle of blue food coloring in his wash and well everything he owns now is a lovely blue hue. Well when I catch that one, I'll let you know. Until next time....

PLEASE NOTE - THE RUMOR KILLER AND HIS POSTS AS WONDERFUL AND AS INSIGHTFUL THEY MAY BE ARE IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH THAT BAND CALLED PEARL JAM, ITS MEMBERS, CURTIS MANAGEMENT, THE TEN CLUB, THE VHC, SONY, EPIC RECORDS, SYNERGY, THE RUMOR PIT, KAT OR OFTHESEA, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY ALL OWE HIM A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!!!

REMEMBER RUMORS CAN BE DEADLY, BUT ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE THEM!!!

RUMOR KILLER