ramblesRUMOR KILLER - Sing just like RUMORS…f*%kers.. won’t offend him, just me, cause they’re DEAD!So I was going through all my old worn WHO cd’s the other day, just playing one after another chronologically, and well, I made a big MISTAKE. I listened to TOMMY, then moved on to LIVE AT LEEDS, and then moved to the LIVE AT THE ISLE OF WIGHT FESTIVAL. And so the mistake I made was that I got in the span of like a day, a triple dose of the rock opera TOMMY and for the next three days, one phrase kept blaring in my head… “Tommy, can you hear me?” No matter how hard I tried to get rid of that phrase, it just kept cropping up, nearly drawing me to the brink. But thankfully, now that I’m onto ODDS & SODS, I’ve been cleansed. Don’t get me wrong, I love TOMMY, but it was a little too much. “And too much of anything is too much… for me.” Now, let’s get to killing some pesky RUMORS… RUMOR #1: “RK, Pearl Jam seem to be enjoying some down-time now. What are the individual band members doing right now? – Heath from Clearwater, FL” RUMOR KILLER: “Heath, it’s interesting that you asked that. For the most part, the band members are spending loads of family time, enjoying themselves and “normal” lives. But I can tell one exciting thing that one band member is up to and I’m sure it will take the world by storm. Stone is composing a novel. That’s right.. a NOVEL! Inspired by the thought of composing the great American novel, Stone has put pen to paper and is daily cranking out 100’s of pages. What is the plot? What is the genre of this novel? Well, Stone is calling his novel, “King of the Hoops”. The novel is about an evil dark King who forges a GREAT Hoola-Hoop in the fires of Mt. Vitalogy. He also creates seven more Hoola-Hoops which he sends to the other Kings of the Realm. But his Hoola-Hoop, the Hoola-Hoop of POWER is the one, true Hoola-Hoop, the Hoola-Hoop to rule them ALL! And basically, the story is about how the Hoola-Hoop of Power is lost for many hundreds of years before it is discovered by a Gremmie, a small creature that likes to surf and play slide guitar finds the Hoola-Hoop of Power and well the Hoola-Hoop of power makes whoever possess it really crave it and warps their mind, they start calling it “my precious hoola”. So anyway, the Hoola-Hoop of power finds its way to a young man named “Gossman” who agrees for the sake of everyone to destroy the Hoola-Hoop of Power by casting it back into the fires of Mt. Vitalogy. A band of other people who can’t help but be jealous of Gossman having the Hoop, agree to help Gossman and well, I’ll let you read the rest when Stone’s new novel comes out. Sounds like a classic! RUMOR #2: “RUMOR KILLER, has any member of Pearl Jam ever been fired from the band? – Jonas from Flint, MI” RUMOR KILLER: “Jonas, why yes, yes, several times through-out the course of the band’s history, different members of that band they called Pearl Jam were fired and re-hired. Of course, we all know the story of Dave A. but few people know that Jeff was fired by Stone from the band three times. Once in 1992 when Jeff ate Stone’s crossiant which Stone had left in the fridge at their rehearsal space which was clearly labelled “STONE’S CROSSIANT, DO NOT EAT!”. And well, Jeff gobbled it down regardless and was sent packing. Days later, when they needed someone to play bass, Jeff was re-hired. Jeff was fired again in 1995 when before a concert, he lost a ping-pong game to Ed and then claimed that Ed cheated and refused to return the ping-pong ball which he quickly took and ran away with. Come showtime, he was re-hired again, because they needed someone to play bass. The most recent time Jeff was fired was when on this last tour in ’03 when Jeff and Boom got into a fight. It was pretty ugly, but in the end, Jeff returned to the mix. Mike has also been fired a number of times by Ed for no apparent real reason except that Ed likes to fire people for silly reasons like they invaded his personal space, they breathe too noisily, and they are laughing at too many of Stone’s jokes. I think the running total is Mike has been fired at least 87 times but re-hired by Stone each time. Those crazy kids…. Guess we’re lucky they’re all still around.
PLEASE NOTE – AS WITTY AND INSIGHTFUL AS THE OL’RK’S MUSINGS MAY BE, THEY ARE IN NO WAY, SHAPE, FORM, OR CONTENT AFFILIATED WITH PEARL JAM, ITS MEMBERS, THE HOOLA-HOOP OF POWER, CURTIS MANAGEMENT, THE RECORD BUSINESS, SYNERGY, THE TEN CLUB, THE RUMOR PIT, KAT OR OFTHESEA EXCEPT THAT THEY’VE FIRED THE OL’RK A NUMBER OF TIMES AS WELL, BUT RE-HIRED HIM BECAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHO TO WORK THE RUMOR GUN! REMEMBER RUMORS CAN BE DEADLY… BUT ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE THEM! RUMOR KILLER |